Fat

 I had emotional trauma.

So I was eating at this cool joint called "Jammi", eating some fries with kvass like some Latvian person.

As I was eating I noticed two children sitting at the other side of the joint. One was older, other was younger on the phone. They were speaking somewhat quite loudly and judging by what they were saying - the younger dude was trying to hit on this girl.

When I was looking at their situation - some 14 year old hitting on some chick, whilst the other, which, judging by his height, was probably like 16-17 years old - I had a thought.

It went something like this: "This kid is trying to smash already at his age, meanwhile, I'm just here - a no-life 20 years old, who never met a single girl in my entire life."
Pretty big Bruh moment.

Anyways, as I was eating and that one kid was flirting through the phone, the other, older kid decided to look at me. Felt a bit paranoid, so I glanced at him in order to break his eye contact. That didn't work at all. Continues looking at me, then goes back to his buddy ol' chum and says:

"Imagine how much food you have to eat to be obese plonker."

That's where I drew the line - I got up from my seat and I went to that dushman and split his legs open. It looks something like this:

That dude now has two legs. Let's see him now trying to act all tough. The other younger kid was screaming in terror and jumped out of the window. Meh, he did the job for me.

Anyway, I need you fellow peeps to add dosh to my Patreon - I was genuinely hurt by his comment. This incident really says something about our society.